did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
