Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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