I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
