I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
