Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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