Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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