You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
