You work out of a Hotel?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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