No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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