I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
