Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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