so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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