My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
