ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
