so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
