Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
false alarm. still invincible.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
