So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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