the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
