"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
