I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
