Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
