Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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