I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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