Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
