we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
