college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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