I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
