Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
