i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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