either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
