great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
