he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
