my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The Olympian is in my bed
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