dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
