shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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