I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
