So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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