**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
