I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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