I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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