I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
