the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
