This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
