So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
