This girl is more easily done than said...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
