no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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