This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
