I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
