even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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