Im at strip club and am horny
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
3pm strippers are depressing
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
