Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got inside last night via doggy door
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
