Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
