I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
