dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
