Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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