Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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