I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
