At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I DEMAND FORESKIN
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
