All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
