I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
two words...techno handjob
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
